To Fly or Not to Fly - Serenity Now Damn It!

Southcoast, MA – This posting requires the classic Ricky Ricardo request: Lucy, you got some 'splainin' to do!

I promise to do my best. In one the episodes of the iconic sitcom – Seinfeld – one of the neurotic characters, George Costanza’s father would implore a higher power for serenity now. Who doesn’t want serenity? Serenity is something we all strive for. We may even find the need, at times, to pray for it. When we do, there’s even a special prayer we can employ: The Serenity Prayer. It was written by the theologian Reinhold Niebuhr in the 1940’s and has been both adopted and embraced by Alcoholics Anonymous. Here it is in its entirety:

God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.

Living one day at a time;
Enjoying one moment at a time;
Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace;
Taking, as He did, this sinful world
as it is, not as I would have it;
Trusting that He will make all things right
if I surrender to His Will;
That I may be reasonably happy in this life
and supremely happy with Him
Forever in the next.
Amen.

Serenity is, or reflects, a state or demonstrated quality of being serene. It is about feeling and being calm, tranquil or peaceful. But why does serenity sometimes seem so elusive? Is it because we do not accept the things we cannot change? Or, is it because we sometimes lack the courage to change these things or the wisdom required to know the difference? Do we really live one day at a time or are we obsessed with the way things once were or fret and worry about how they may come to be? With so many changes and change choices thrust upon us, can we still enjoy one moment at a time? And, if so, do we savors those moments of triumph or peace or serenity? Can we freely accept hardships or accept or challenges, as presented to us, for what they are, not as we would prefer or wish them to be?

Henri Matisse mused, “What I dream of is an art of balance, of purity and serenity devoid of troubling or depressing subject matter - a soothing, calming influence on the mind, rather like a good armchair which provides relaxation from physical fatigue.” His painting shown here, The Music Lesson, illustrates this quote ans a bit more. A soothing, calming influence on the mind is what we all need. But, maintaining our inner peace can sometimes be challenging when we seem to be constantly attacked by outside forces and day-to-day distractions.

There’s a line from Donald & Lydia by John Prine that goes, “There were spaces between Donald and whatever he said. Strangers had forced him to live in his head.” If we can find serenity in our heads, that’s a good start. But how many of us aren’t comfortable going there? Bad memories lurk there. Damn voices, too. Sometimes our loved ones are just as guilty as strangers for forcing us to live in our heads. Our heads are already filled with passwords, pin numbers, phone numbers…

There was a poem by Irving Layton (1912 – 2006) called There Were No Signs that I I remembered seeing on a record sleeve of an album I owned. I thought it was on Eric Anderson’s Blue River album but I’m not sure because I’ve looked with no luck.

By walking I found out
Where I was going.

By intensely hating, how to love.
By loving, whom and what to love.

By grieving, how to laugh from the belly.

Out of infirmity, I have built strength.
Out of untruth, truth.

From hypocrisy, I wove directness.

Almost now I know who I am.
Almost I have the boldness to be that man.

Another step And I shall be where I started from.

The last two lines are what have stuck with me all of these years. Almost now I know who I am. Almost I have the boldness to be that man… Just when I seem to think I’ve entered my Personal Stability Zone, the last line pops into my head - Another step and I shall be where I started from – it’s like watching a house of cards collapse. So I’m doomed to begin yet another day or week rebuilding my elusive Personal Stability Zone by again trying to make good conscious decisions and understanding my relationship to my environment (not the environment) and the others that inhabit that same space because I’m not the only one on the planet. I do try to be mindful, polite and courteous as often as I can. But, sometimes the id overtakes the ego and emotion pushes logic out of the way and we just have to let it all out.

I also try to better understand if my ties to physical objects should be or need to be reassessed. Yes, I know I can’t keep everything and, of course I understand that people are more important than things. How many things do each of us need anyway? I’ve mentioned George Carlin’s stuff routine before and it’s still valid here. The most difficult aspect of my personal commitment to continue attempting to carve out a Personal Stability Zone is maintaining some balance in my social interactions.

I don’t need to be reminded that family comes before any personal need, anything or anyone. I also know the difference between family obligations or whether I’m being blackmailed by blood relatives. As for personal growth and learning to learn or widen my horizons to accept meaningful change, I don’t have a problem with that. What I do have a problem with is pointless reorganization and change for the sake of change. Or, change for the sake of change.

What is a Personal Stability Zone anyway and why would I need one, or you, for that matter? A Personal Stability Zone is what some have described as our Happy Place. Since this place is personal, it may also be private as well. No two places may be alike but can be. If you’re not happy, does it make the place you’re in not happy, too? Does it also mean that no matter where you go the unhappiness will follow or is it because you brought it with you? Judy Garland belted out these words in Get Happy - Forget your troubles, come on get happy, you better chase all you cares away… Get ready for the judgment day!

We can describe or demonstrate the elements that make us happy or not. And, the zone, where is it or how big is it? Is that where the Happy Place is? Is it just in our head or can is it a real place, or both? Maybe it can be at work or at home or at church or a certain spot at your favorite beach or wherever you feel in control or wherever you feel loved or wherever you feel you belong.

What is stability – why is it so important? Dictionary definitions for stability range from continuity without change or permanence to consistency. The only thing that seems consistently permanent is change. Have you ever traced your old school bus route? You’ll be shocked! Stability is about no sudden or unexpected or unwanted changes! Are gourmet cooking or knitting or mountain climbing or stamp collecting activities that bring us into this zone? Are you considered stable? Well isn’t that a Catch 22 as described in Joseph Heller’s 1961 novel of the same name?

In the book, one of the characters, a bombardier wants to be grounded from combat flight. He can only be grounded if the flight surgeon says he’s unfit to fly. But, here’s the catch, to be unfit would he would have to be willing to fly these dangerous missions. So, he would have to be insane to volunteer to fly. But if he asks to be evaluated, it’s sufficient enough proof to be declared sane and therefore fit to fly. Serenity...